The Social Media Fat Find 

Whoa when did she get fat? 

When someone gains weight, the first thing we do is go looking back onto their social media platforms. I call it the social media fat find.

Find the fat! 

When did the weight come on? Find the fat! 

Is that a pregnant belly or a belly belly? Find the fat! 

Look at September 5th! Is she fat yet?

Have they been this fat? 

Kaaaaaaaren! Come in here– did you see Michie got fat! Let’s scroll and see when! 

CURIOUS, NOT EVIL

I think it’s the automatic curiosity we have when we see that someone’s gained weight to want to know when, what, where, how. Social media gives us a glimpse into someone’s life and so when we notice a big change, we often go back to see when it happened. It’s innate to want to know more, especially when someone has a more public presence.

It’s similar to when you see a couple of friends just a little too close on social media for “just friends.” You go back further, you scan the socials. You see if there is a trend, another close-up shot. Then a week later, the relationship goes up and is official and you feel so good, you little detective you.

Social media is weird and brings on habits that no one could have expected. You scan for those too close photos. You scan photos of your ex, your ex best friend. You do things like the social media fat find.

SELF JUDGMENT

With weight gain comes lots of photos we are not happy with. They often hurt honestly, and especially when you yo yo back and forth. They lead to so much harsh self judgment. A lot of whys. What did you dos? Feelings of being weak. Lazy. Not capable.

And it’s not only the self-judgment, but the fear that everyone is going to know that we gained weight and think those same things.

TWO CHOICES

Okay, I know this is hard, but they are going to know.

People are going to notice because what are you going to do, go into hiding? Are you going to stop enjoying life because you are a larger version of yourself?

Those are your only two options: You live life now, and enjoy it with the body you have. Or you hide until you get to your “perfect” body.

News flash: There is no perfect body. 

RIGHT NOW

Here’s the thing: I’m fat right now, but fat is not evil. I’m fat right now, but I’m not dumb, or incapable. Fat is one thing about me, not everything. I’m fat, but I’m still an athlete.

Right now, this simply isn’t an area I am flourishing, but I will again.  

I am working to focus on the things I can do right now and do well because if I continue to focus  on all the things I can’t do, I’ll lose sight of the goals I am crushing.  

There are so many things my boss ass fat self is doing right now and can do! There are so many ways I’m flourishing right now! And I’m doing it fat. 

REGRETS

The only thing I’d regret more than feeling kind of fat in a photo is not being in the memory because I didn’t feel comfortable being in the photo. I would regret not doing the things that I’m capable of because I’m fat. 

You don’t want to miss out on important events because you felt like you were fat for a few days, weeks, or  years.

YOU’RE PART OF IT

As I get older, I appreciate pictures more and more and I appreciate my social media spaces even more. I store my memories in the realm of social media, and I love having that space. I grew up with social media, as in while it was growing, too. I would hate to lose those memories, and so I am happy past me was confident enough to be there. I am happy I was a part of it, the old pictures.

If you scanned through the years of my social media, you’ll see so many versions of me and my life. Chubby college me was so wild, with multi-colored hair and her tongue out 90 percent of the time. I love that she was part of it. She was part of this ever-changing and surprising life of mine. I am so happy that she didn’t skip all the photos. If she could be in the photos, I can, too.

Timehop and all of these memory apps are such a beautiful thing for me because I see all these joyous moments with people that may or may not still be in my life. I find such joy in those pictures that I don’t ever want to feel too fat to be in a photo again. I don’t want parts of my life to be glitched out like they didn’t happen because I feel badly about my body, my so capable and still badass, changing body.

APPRECIATE YOUR BODY FOR WHAT IT IS

The point here is you have to live as you are right now and work to be happy with this body. I’m working on gratitude and reminding myself that my body can do so many things. I appreciate that I can walk to my classes and that I can use the stairs. I may be out of breath when I get to those stairs or when I complete them, but I can do them.

I’m working on my version of running again and getting my body to move in ways that feel good. I am focusing on what I can do right now and not the things I cannot.

We have to appreciate our bodies for what they are right now.

NOTES TO SELF 

Be in the photos. Go out and be active in public. Be active while fat. Go for that run, do it fat. Go to the beach and swim, you can also do it fat. Dance at the wedding.

Hiding won’t make you skinny. It will just make you miserable, lonely, and honestly just more fat.

Be here. Be present. Take up space. (sometimes more than others)

Like me. I’m going to continue taking up space, all the chubby space I need. And I’m going to keep working to bring myself out of the depths that weight gain can bring you into.

I’m going to take the pictures, and be in them.

Here is a very current and very chubby selfie.