Under 250

If you’ve never been weight limited, you really don’t understand the horror.

It’s not just like when you break a chair in front of a crowd, which I’ve done well past a dozen times in my life.

No, there’s a different kind of horror in being weight limited.

There’s no laughing it off.

You try to.

You could pretend to, but in reality, it’s worse than getting picked last at gym class. In this case, you’re not even put on a team.

You don’t get picked last, you just don’t get picked.

You’re put on the bench to watch.

And to get to the bench, you have to walk down all the stairs from the top of the water slide, or the whole walk back to the car, or home.

This is a whole different kind of walk of shame; and in this one you didn’t even get laid.

No, I can’t explain it. But I know the feeling.

It brings me back to getting weighed in at the nurse at school in 4th grade– an event that’s supposed to be private– but a peaker made sure to exclaim that I made it to 3 digits. Yup, a whole hundo.

And I thought to myself, if I could only sit on you, tiny peaker.

Big lady

I was always a big lady.

I guess that’s what I always loved about sports. I never got weight limited in sports.

I never got picked last in sports. I never had to just watch everyone. I was always decent at sports, and in sports it’s more than okay to be big.

School, it’s not

Work, it’s not

Top of the water slide, it’s certainly not

Under 250

Now, I sit here 252 pounds, on the precipice of being under 250.

Under 250 is a different life.

Under 250 Michie jumped out of a whole plane. She ran a half marathon, and hiked for 5 days. She got MVP for her rugby team, and climbed a way too high ropes course.

Under 250 Michie lives a different life…

Here I lie on the way back to the lower weight I’m at and it’s hard to be excited and not feel badly about over 250 Michie. The things she missed, the way she felt.

It’s important to me to remember that both Michies have value. Both have so many awesome things about them. They are just different.

My body tends to be big. It wants to be big. Unless I’m in active training, I’m going to swing. It’s going to happen. I’m going to be over 250 Michie again, and that’s okay.

Instead of being proud of under 250 Michie, at the expensive of the other, I am reminding myself that I’m grateful and proud of both.

Over 250 Michie worked her ass off last year, at a new job, and a new subject. It was hard, and she was tired all the time. Fitness was not on the forefront and that’s okay. I still value those years and the person I was. I did so many awesome, but different things, and I did them while gaining weight the whole time.

This Michie is also allowed to proud, but not at the expense of my past self.

We will be a million people in our lives, and it’s our choice who we choose to be next. As for me, I just want to be better, more proud, and happier than I was yesterday.