100 Solo Dates– Here it is!
Finally, this culminating project has come to fruition. Instead of my original idea of a handheld book, this video includes the big ideas and learnings from my 100 solo dates, along with footage of some of the places and things I got to see and do.
I am blessed to have the talented Audrey Bear as not only a great friend, but a director, editor, cinematographer, etc in this video project. She has made the vision in my head real and I’m so happy to share this message with you all.
So come along with me one more time, and consider this a push in the direction of your own journey of self love. Find who you are, and love who you are, and do it again every time you need to. And when you need to– do it solo.
Dare to be solo!
I call it a solo date. At 24 years old, I realized I didn’t know how to be alone in any sense of the word. I felt like I didn’t even know myself. And frankly, I didn’t love myself. Not the way that I loved other people. It started on my 25th birthday. I decided it was time to learn to be alone, get to know myself, and begin to practice self love.
When you want to get to know another person and fall in love with them, you date them. That’s exactly what I set out to do with myself.
The rules are simple.
One, you must be alone.
Two, you must go to a new place or do a new activity.
And three, pics or didn’t happen.
Additionally, some rules were added.
First, you must put your phone in airplane mode. nd second, you must bring a platonic friend if something is actually dangerous solo. (Think snowboard lesson)
The important part is that you’re taking the time to do exactly what you want and to focus on you, not text your friends and also not die by getting lost in the woods by yourself.
At the beginning of this, I would not have called myself the most daily human. Not by any means.
But would I date myself now?
Yes. I mean, simply put, yes.
I have fallen so in love with myself in every sense of the word. I’m proud of the quirky, wild woman I am. It took a lot for me to get to this point. I attribute so much of this to the dates. During the dates, I took myself out to do all of my favorite things plus a plethora of nuance. At first it was hard and yes, totally weird.
But by the end, I was so confident in myself, I could care less about what anyone else thought. I was having so much fun, it didn’t matter. The best part? I got the time to be silly and absolutely myself. And most importantly, I learned how to enjoy myself alone, to be alone, to do the things I want and need to do solo. I learned you need to treat your relationship with yourself like your relationship with others. You need to feed it just the same.
Treat yourself like you’re in love with yourself, and you will inherently fall in love when it comes to dealing with relationships with others.
You’ll know what you deserve when you start giving it to yourself first. If you treat yourself well, you’ll expect to be treated well.
That said, loving yourself does not mean disregarding your relationships or other people in their treatment. You need to learn to prioritize both one and the same.
People in your lives are important, too. And the people who should stay in your life will recognize that you need the time for yourself as well.
The dates weren’t always easy. As I said, this is something that was really hard for me. I’m an exceptionally anxious human sometimes to the point of panic attacks.You don’t have to have an anxiety disorder to understand what many people feel when they have to do something alone, though. The stress, the worry, the what ifs, it can be terrifying and debilitating.You would think this kind of thing wouldn’t happen on a solo date or in a happy place.
But sometimes these things kind of come out of nowhere, during everything feels spinny, crazy, crooked.
I found on the solo dates ways to bring myself back to base and kind of straighten everything back out.
I learned how to figure out what it felt like when things were getting too much, so I knew when I needed space.
I learned self talk. Positive, not self deprecating self talk. I learned so many ways to bring myself to a positive place after the dates had ended.
I found that seeking out help with coping was something I still needed.And that’s fine, too. (Therapy is real, and wonderful– and you should definitely seek it if you need to without shame)
Becoming the best you is what’s important, and you need to use all of the resources you can get. At the end of the day, you need to remember you still love yourself.
One of the best ways to find self love is to seek out and find things you’re passionate about and actively pursue them. Find what makes your heart pound like you’re in love,and do everything in your power to work on that. On one of the dates, I was all set to sneak away from my friends for a bit and go kayaking before anyone even woke up. Of course, I woke up to pouring rain. I stopped for a minute, thinking I might just skip it, but I decided to go anyway. I decided to just do it in the rain.
DO IT IN THE RAIN
I was so happy that I did once I got out there, because I really wanted to go. It occurred to me on that date that those were the things that were important, the things you would do it in the rain for, the things that ignite something in you you can’t explain pure passion. The two things I love most are rugby and teaching. Both of these things ignite pure passion and bring out a drive like no other. Nothing makes me feel like rugby does. Rugby makes me feel like the best me, both the sport and the people. Teaching is what I was born to do, and I would do anything for my students. These are the types of things we all need to seek out. The things and the people you do it in the reign for, that you do anything for.We should continue to seek out as many things as we can find to be passionate about.
These lessons seem simple, but these are not things you can just tell yourself to feel.You need to put the time in and really work on getting to know yourself and loving exactly who you are.
After these dates, I felt like a whole new person, not a different person, but a dynamic, improved, hugely better version of myself.
I’m the most me I’ve ever been, in fact, and I know exactly who that is. That’s what this experience did for me.
Now, you may wonder why I decided to share all of this. And it’s simple.
I truly believe these dates made me better and could make other people better too.
So I dare you go on your own solo date! It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It doesn’t have to be long. You don’t even have to follow all of my rules. It just has to be solely about you. That’s it.
Dare to be solo.