[Don’t] Watch the Scale. 

Weight loss can be addicting.

I want to watch the scale. I do. I’m driven by it. It feels good to start seeing the shift. 

I notice the 5 pounds down, the 3, and even the half pound on the scale. It’s exciting. 

Alluring.

The thing is it can also lead to obsession. 

THE CHANGING TIDE

When you yo-yo diet, it takes a lot to shift your body in the other direction, to change the direction or the ship. My body is very responsive to working out, but it’s also responsive to the alternative. When I stop working out, it shuts down completely. 

Motivation has always been hard for me to keep at a consistent rate. I’ve always needed goals to push myself to get where I needed to be fitness-wise. 

It always seemed that playing rugby was a natural yoyo cycle for me because I would hit peak performance somewhere within my rugby season.

Outside of season, I got lazy and let go of some good habits, and let certain bad ones creep back in. 

YO YO HABITS 

That’s what starts the yoyo cycle. Little by little, good habits are completely replaced with the bad ones. And then you’re stuck on the gain train. 

It takes a lot to budge your body to change once it’s settled into homeostasis. By the time I notice and want to get things moving, I’m so far off being able to make my body respond again. It’s easy to fall off and back on at that point because it’s so much harder than it was before. 

THE 500 MILE CHALLENGE

I set out to become a runner in 2020 and a runner I became. My goal was to run 500 miles in a year, and develop running as a habit along the way. 

Unexpectedly along the way, I actually began to truly love it, and enjoy it. Nothing feels like that stride of hitting a comfortable pace. 

Running 500 miles in a year was a huge goal and such a huge accomplishment. I completed that goal during the COVID shutdown, when I had so much time to myself. 

After I finished, I let myself soak in it for some time– soak in the victory and glory I felt. Extreme emotions came off of doing something I truly didn’t think was possible. I let my body heal from what was one really extreme month of running at the end. 

A lot of other things came up and life happened. Running was just not at the forefront of my brain and so I gained a lot of weight putting myself back into the high 270s for the first time in years. 

The thing about fitness is once you stop it feels so hard to start again in that new, bigger body. 

CONSISTENCY 

For me right now, it’s not about overall mileage. My goal is five miles a week. There’s no other stipulations. I can do that in a day, or I can do a mile a day. The point is I want to build in balance at the same time. 

I want to allow myself the beauty of consistency and enjoy running again. Consistency makes it easier again, and that growth allows the runs to feel good again. 

I enjoy running a mile or so because it feels good on my current body.

Yesterday I pushed it to 1.5 mi because I felt awesome. Today, I feel wicked sore. That’s where I’m at right now. 

I can no longer compare myself to a past self who was teaching from home, and had a lot more time on their hands to say the least.

Right now 20 minutes a day feels good. 20 minutes a day for me on a work day is what I need. Could I use a little more time to myself or time with my partner? Of course, and I know we all could.

By allowing myself to feel good about the 20 minutes, I let myself have what is realistic. 20 minutes a day is realistic for me. I’m not disappointed, because my expectation is 20 minutes. In fact, if I get more than that, I’m ecstatic. 

Everyone has to do what’s realistic for them and what puts them in a space of balance.

THE SCALE

The thing about the scale is it often triggers an imbalance for me. I start to become obsessive and start looking constantly. The addicting part is seeing the number drop. This part can be extremely motivating. 

However, watching the scale has this really negative side effect on me, too. It makes me start overthinking about what I’m eating and often being extreme in my eating. 

Did I go up a pound today? Why? What did I eat? I’m not eating more today. 

Food obsession starts. I don’t want that this time around! 

Again, I’m looking for balance.

BALANCE

Balance to me means being able to eat the things I like as well as putting healthy things into my body. Balance means drinking water as constantly as I need to say hydrated, and also allowing myself the coffee or the tea or the occasional coca-Cola. Or maybe even a token Millennial white claw.

The point is I want to be able to have a life where I’m not the one who has to say “Sorry, I don’t eat pizza. Or worse say “naw” to a claw. 

Something about the scale throws off the balance in my head.

This time around I truly just want to be healthy. I don’t want this to be about weight which is why I am focused on my running. I very purposely didn’t make a nutrition goal outside of running.

Running made nutrition so naturally easy for me when I was running consistently. Something about running just makes it easy for me to understand my hunger cues.

Also, running just gives you an allotment of calories that you didn’t have before. Running fills in the calorie allotment. I need to be comfortable with the amount of food I’m eating 

I refuse to count a calorie this year.

It’s not my goal. It’s not my focus.

My word of the year is focus. 

FOCUS

I’m focused on the things I really want and prioritizing those things.

I’m a runner and I’m going to keep kicking ass at that, working on consistency. I’m a teacher way more naturally than I ever was a runner, but I’m looking for consistency in that area, too. 

Routine and consistency are so good for the students and teachers alike. Consistency is key to goals and growth. I have felt tremendous growth as a teacher already this academic school year. And I will continue to harness the skills I already have, and build on them. That’s the thing about consistency. You need to build off what you’re already doing. Otherwise you will lose those things.

And last but not least, I’m a social creature. I was so miserable last year. Feeling like I lost my community, I was desperate to get myself to my friends. I went to some things that were way out of range for my energy level probably. 

I took a lot of naps, some on the road, and tried so hard to keep that social part of my life alive. 

The thing is I lost a lot of other things in trying to keep up with that life. I realize now it is so much more important for me to have quality time with my friends and family rather than quick meetings on the run. My social goal is that I will plan something monthly that is more intimate with my friends. Again, no parameters around this. It’s my goal and I’ll kind of figure that out along the way.

Right now, I have a much delayed annual Halloween sleepover that didn’t happen with my original work wife. I already apologized and sent memes, and we’re discussing calendar dates. 

People can make fun of New Year’s resolutions all they want. I use them to be better and level up.