THE INFLUENCE OF PARTNERSHIP 

Throughout my dating life, I have been with a lot of different kinds of people. I’ve seen firsthand how a partner can influence and affect your mentality, your mood, and your routine. A positive partner can change you for the better and propel you forward along with themselves.

That means the partner you choose can push you in a good direction, but they can also halt you.

Having a tremendously supportive partner in my life right now has reminded me how truly important it is to have the right person and people on your team. 

When I have a goal in any area, my partner, Shawn, not only supports the goal, but he makes it his own goal. My goals are his goals and vice versa. That’s a team.

Your romantic partner should be your best teammate.

And my god, we’re a good team! 

FRIENDSHIP

I’ve also “dated” a lot of friends in a way, too. I do mean that platonically. Let me explain. 

Friendships are a different sort of partnership but a partnership the same. The thing is friendship can sometimes be so close that you end up in just as many arguments and have just as many difficulties as partnerships that are romantic. 

You have just as much pull in a close friend’s choices.

Like in romance, this means a good friend can push you towards getting your goals or derail you off the track. Think of that friend asking you to skip your meeting so you can go get a drink. The one telling you you’re putting too much into your running, and not enough time into them. Those relationships can affect you just as much! 

THE FLAGS

In working through issues with relationships in my life, many red flags, such as those last two examples, have been presented to me. Often these flags were ones I ignored for too long. In an attempt to make sure I didn’t miss these things again, I have journaled about the red flags often so I know when to straight up RUN from someone. 

Now on the flip side, I’ve never truly journaled about the green flags.

GREEN FLAGS

Here I’ll list out some of the green flags when it comes to partnerships. I truly mean that this is something that also pertains to friendships. At the end. I’ll compare them to some opposing red flags.

A supportive partner:

  • Will not only push you towards your goals but will support you in steps towards them. My partner Shawn makes suggestions, and helps me in following through without judgement. 
  • Has positive goals themselves and includes you in them 
  • Is not jealous when you’re doing well. You’re a team and when one of you wins, you both win.
  • Gives and takes constructive feedback.
  • Communicates solutions rather than focus on deficits.
  • Listens to you when you express your love language and needs. They act on that and ensure that they are meeting your needs instead of merely mirroring theirs.
  • Adjusts to both of your needs and makes a plan with you to ensure both of your needs, wants, and goals are being reached. 
  • Pumps you up and makes you feel good about yourself and your strengths. Shawn is my ultimate HYPE man and I am his biggest cheerleader!

RED FLAGS

On the flip side, keep an eye out for these sucky situations and remember a few things: One. If a positive partner can have a huge effect on you, so can a negative. Two. You teach people how they can treat you, and Three. YOU choose who you spend your time with. 

Beware of:

  • Someone who in any way is not supportive of your goals and the things that are important to you, and in fact, may be negative about these things. 
  • Subtle sabotage- someone casually belittling your dreams or putting you down for them. There are people who will put down the things that you’re working towards and make them sound silly or unimportant. You need to avoid this and go towards people who see your value and celebrate you for those things. 
  • Any relationship where you are pushed past your boundaries. If you feel you can’t say no for fear of how they’ll react, that is not conducive to a healthy relationship or you reaching your goals. 
  • Expectations that don’t align with your own wants, needs, or ones that you don’t have the emotional space or time for. 
  • Anyone who does things to “test you.” If you feel someone is setting you up for failure, they are. Run. 
  • Anyone who makes you choose between their goals and yours, and in turn always puts themselves first in your partnership and expects you to do the same. We all need to be priority number one in our own lives. 

FIND YOUR FRIENDS, FIND YOUR “FRIENDS”

I share this because we all need to recognize these signs and work towards finding those who propel us to be better. Often we don’t recognize that the people damning us to mediocrity are our own people! 

I’ve recognized the power of positive partnerships in my partner Shawn but you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to need to look for these signs.

Your friends and whoever you choose to surround yourself with affect you every single day. Your romantic partner will only end up being one person on your team. Your life is filled with all kinds of love from different spaces. You need to look for the green and red flags there, too. Those people can propel or derail you, just like your romantic partnerships. 

Let’s all look for the red and green flags and build the best team possible. 

You still won’t win every game but you have a much better shot, and it’s a hell of a lot better to have supportive people when you do lose– not ones who were hoping you lost to being with. 

We all have to find those spaces where we are propelled forward with people who celebrate us for who we are.