September 19, 2014

Solo Date 6: Strolling through Pinebush with an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts

I have found this place of clarity already whenever I end up on these walks by myself. I am not one who does well in quiet around other people so I think this just forces the sounds of everyone else and the world to cease. The simple pleasures of an iced coffee and just the sounds of being outside seem so much more about me on a solo date. The focus is what I want, where I want to go, what coffee I want to get from where, which would also include a pretzel bun–but behave, Mich.

We put so much time into our relationships with lovers that we dismiss the other important relationships in our lives. Yes, I am solo-dating and addressing my relationships with myself. There are other relationships to address here. Today, I am thinking about gratitude and I will start with a discussion of friendship. 

I am just beginning this journey and already I have found it hard to schedule in the time for myself, found that obligations arise and my schedule doesn’t want me to make this time for me. I have to keep fighting that. Luckily I am living with such an amazing friend and bae who already encourages me. Now she is adamant that I stick to this and it means so much that she is pushing me to put time into myself instead of pushing me to do anything else. 

Look at me sporting that new Discovery Academy Lanyard like the big dork that I am! I still managed to lose those room keys. Some things never change.

I have always known a lot of people when it comes to rugby, school, sorority life, etc. There are so few people that are actually in this world for you. So many people will push you to do things that work for them or their objectives. You need to find people who will push you to do the things that are for YOU as well. 

I am so lucky to have friends pushing me to be my best self. Sometimes the purest love is with your friends.

Roomie Baes

Our love is a mutual display of kindness. 

A daily one. In every way. Finding this kind of love is a truly different level. I know I talked about friendship on this date and not my relationship with self, but here is the thing: your relationship with self affects EVERYTHING.

When you are happy with yourself, you get to be grateful. You are clear and see the good in your life. You can see who the good people are.

When you don’t give yourself time to yourself, to think and see things for what they are, you often find yourself running ragged and living by obligation. Don’t get me wrong, I love to live fast, I love to live busy- BUT I want to choose who I want to be around and what I want to be doing. I don’t want to get swept up into the “have to”s. No, I don’t want to have to. I want to want to. 

Findings: Stick with the people that are out for you and be out for them too. 

Schedule time for the “want to”s


September 19, 2020

Wow! This one is truly remarkable because this beautiful soul and friend moved away from Albany within the 6 years and just moved back. This is a very interesting start as it continues to this cycle from then to now.

It is so true that her and my love is a mutual display of kindness. The second she returned to Albany, our lives reset into one another’s. There is something about living with another person that you just learn them differently.

When you live with someone, you see into each other’s soul through everyday interactions and behavior.

Her and I have developed into the sort of family that visits when you move to Spain, which I did when she did. 

Throughout the dates, I ended up learning about my relationships with others just as much as I learned about my relationship with myself. Over and over again I am reminded how much they are interwoven into each other. 

One is not healthy without the other.

Without a healthy view on one’s self, there is no healthy view on relationships with others. We always have to be working on both.

I think at this point in my life, I am much more aware that there are goals I want for myself and goals for my relationships that are separate. I am not sure at that earlier point in my life if I had reflected on that so much. I saw relationships with others as something that just happened. Something that you figured out in the moment.

Now, however, I see that we work on every relationship whether it is with ourselves or others. No one wants to remind you that they hate the same thing forever. We have to continue to work on what others want from us, just as we work on what we want for ourselves. 

Findings: Your relationship with others is a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Put effort into both.