Lately it’s been really hard for me to see the future after rugby and figure out what that means for me as an athlete. My body is ready to be done with rugby for now. You have to respect the sport of rugby. If you don’t have the time to properly train, or attend practice, or look up new plays– It’s not the sport to just jump into. And more than my body being ready, my life just doesn’t allow for what I need to be a serious rugby player.

Rugby has been my life for so long. And I love the life. I love playing, and I love my team and my teammates. Retiring has been one of the hardest things of my life. I tried to hold on to it and travel, but it’s just not feasible to be good at something if you’re spending so much time on the road.

The next step often is coaching or reffing for many people. First of all, I’m not one to judge, I don’t think I’d make a good ref. My coach will tell you I had a lot of sass when it comes to the sir. I’m not proud of it, and I did try to work on it– But I do recall a ref calling me a princess (cough Tyler cough) after moving a scrum I asked to be moved because of the VERY DANGEROUS mud, both warranted, true, and still rude.

No, I’m really not one to judge.

When it comes to coaching, coaching has also been my life just not in the rugby world.

Teaching is coaching. Every single day I come in and try to teach my kids a skill, and then try as hard as I can to back off and let them do it. That part is really hard for me. That is why I know coaching a sport probably isn’t in the cards for me either right now.

Coaching is not as physical, of course, but it’s way more work than playing. You’re looking at plays, you’re planning, and you’re there no matter what. I’m just not sure I have it in me to be both a teacher of Algebra and a teacher of rugby. They’re both too serious of a job and take so much of your mental capacity. I absolutely love teaching, but I need Algebra to be my mental focus.

I just don’t have it in me to do both effectively.

SPORT SHORT: MY LITTLE LEAGUE COACH

I can remember the very beginning days of baseball for me. I’m not sure what you even call it at that point, I think it was the farms. It was after t-ball where there were finally real pitchers.

At the time, I was a pitcher. A decent one for sure, but new is an understatement.

I’ll set the scene. It was one of my first games pitching, which kept one of the coaches on the mound. The coach was there for safety and to take over if your pitching got so bad it held up the game.

My pitches were actually decent. Kids were hitting, which is the goal in the farms. I’m not trying to strike anyone out, I’m just trying to throw a strike for the love of God.

I can remember the moment the ball crossed the line on this pitch and hearing the crack of the bat. The ball was hit so hard I could hardly process it.

I just remember the last second where the ball almost broke my nose, and maybe worse.

In this instant, the coach knew I had no shot at catching a ball like that. He snatched it and literally touched my nose with his glove.

He told the batter to take the base, and mouthed ‘she was going to get hurt’ to the other coach.

I immediately looked over to see where my dad was and he looked relieved, but also terrified.

That ball was cracked. I mean I can hear it all these years later. And my face was going to be cracked, too.

How did the coach know and react like that? I’ve wondered that throughout my life when that snatch comes back to my brain randomly.

I think that’s just the coach’s way though. When it’s your kids, and you coach them for the whole season, you know them. You know what they can do. You know how fast they are. He knew my skill level And knew I wasn’t ready for that kind of a hit.

You see the brilliance of coaching and teaching are in learning your students.

I appreciate that catch more than anything because I’m not sure I would have entered back into that world.

I was always a crybaby; Im not going to pretend I wasn’t but if I was crying over mere scrapes and falls, I’m not sure I would have recovered from breaking my nose at 8.

No, that coach did more than he’ll ever know in one second.

Though I’m not ready to coach rugby, I’m hoping my coaching Algebra will lend me the same experiences. I’m hoping I can get a kid to figure something out that they didn’t think they could do on their own.

I have a student right now who I tell constantly they should be a teacher. I know a teacher when I see a teacher, I tell them. The student has a disability in math. So what I tell them. A lot of people have a disability in math, and they’re fine. Because they work hard and they learn what they need to.

I know I won’t be snatching a ball out of someone’s face anytime soon, but I think I saved my kids in other ways and will continue to do so.

When I had and have a student visit, and complain about her boyfriend, or her best friend, I listen. I give her advice an aunt would give, not exactly a mom and definitely not a sister. And mostly, I try to get them back to baseline and remind them of cliche things like school is your job right now, don’t let a boy come between you and your job.

Nope, I won’t be snatching a ball, but I hold that in my heart. I hold all of my coaches in my heart, because they were my closest teachers. They always knew me in a different way, and always knew when to snatch the ball.